Official Barbara Kois Website
A Sunny Day

yard 10

We have two large maple trees in our front yard – maybe 70 or 80 feet tall. We never rake the leaves until around Thanksgiving time because they are very late to fall off.

 

But the changing of the leaves is dramatic and, to me, exciting–because overnight (at least it seems so) they go from green to a vivid yellow, making the yard look like a sunny day, no matter what the weather actually is. You look out the front window into a bright, beautiful day.

 

The first strong wind or rain splashes the leaves all over the front grass and then we have a sunny yellow carpet. It really is beautiful.

 

This year, this metamorphosis happened a few weeks ago and after the leaves were all off the trees, I spotted a squirrel’s nest up high in one of the maples, the first time I ever remember having one in the yard. If you recall my thoughts on Protection for My Nest, you’ll know that seeing the nest in my own yard after all the leaves were gone touched my heart as a reminder of God’s goodness and protection.

 

The nest was hidden all summer but, even so, it was providing a home and haven for the critters who lived there. It reminds me of one of my favorites Bible verses, “You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance (Psalm 32:7 NASB).

 
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

slider1_1What Does Every Author, Speaker or Business Need to Succeed But May Not Have?

 

The answer is so obvious that you’ve undoubtedly answered the question already. It’s not a zillion followers . . . or a big bank account . . . or a staff of dozens.

 

It’s a business basic that many are without – a good website. Duh, you might be saying, and you’re right – tell me something I don’t know! But surprisingly, many of us wanting to compete in today’s marketplace don’t have one or have a rudimentary, cookie-cutter site that isn’t helping us much.

 

Enter a team that can help you get to the next level and beyond: A team of book marketing AND digital marketing experts, the Verve Group.

 

I was such an author, trying to stir up interest in my books by word of mouth, social media and anything else I could think of doing. Being a can-do and rather naïve sort of person, I had gone to WordPress and taken a tutorial and then signed up for a free service to help me create a website. When the free service began spamming with up to five emails every day hounding me to buy stuff from them and I still had no clue what to even do first, I knew doing it myself was not the answer.

 

The Verve Marketing Group team has experience launching over a thousand books – from New York Times bestsellers, to medical books, to college textbooks. Whether it’s non-fiction or fiction; books written for adults or kids; titles published in hardcover, ebook, audio, or DVD – they come alongside with the expertise to help us authors accomplish our goals.

 

Getting their help was the answer and they have turned my life as an author around. Check out my beautiful new site and imagine what they can do for you and your books as well.

 

Happy writing!

 

 

 

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My 26-year-old son is being baptized today! He has long been a believer and in the last couple of years has been on fire for the Lord. His conversation is loaded with praise and he wants to obey God. He knows, as we all do, that we fail at that and fall short, and we are ever grateful that our wonderful God waits with open arms to forgive us and take us back to closeness with Him.

 

Another amazing thing is what led up to his baptism today. He recently completed a work assignment in Arizona and was driving back to spend some time here at home. On the way he stopped to see a close friend and his wife in Colorado.

 

The first night Andrew was there, he was sitting on the sofa with their dog, who suddenly snapped and bit Andrew badly in the eye and lip. They rushed to the hospital and after a long wait, he got 21 stitches in his eye and a couple in his lip. Of course his friend and his wife felt terrible.

 

Apparently, a prominent eye doctor had been summoned to the hospital a couple of hours earlier because of another emergency eye problem and he “happened” to still be there when Andrew needed him. He said there would be no damage to Andrew’s eyesight or eye and repaired the damage. Andrew said he was truly an artist, as the stitches were millimeters from his eyeball.

 

Here’s the first praise that led to the title of today’s blog post: Andrew came out of all of this praising God—for protecting him and preventing him from losing the sight of his eye and for having that doctor on hand to treat him.

 

The second praise is that Andrew’s friend Scott’s wife gave her life to Christ the next night!

 

The third is for God’s mercy and wonder and the incredible ways He acts. Here Andrew suffered a pretty serious injury and came out of it praising Him, and all three—Andrew, Scott and his wife—decided to be baptized today.

 

Thank You is never enough, but thank You, God!

 

 

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One thing I’m asking God is that He would teach me to recognize His voice so that I know when a thought or idea is just from me or some other source or from God. I’m in a Bible study where we’re studying Patricia Shirer’s Discerning the Voice of God. Of course He let me know that when it’s a Bible verse or passage that I think of, that’s definitely from Him. Even there, though, I can’t just apply verses I think of willy-nilly to an issue I’m thinking about.

 

So on my walk on one fall day, I kept asking Him to teach me to recognize His voice and promptings and know when they are truly from Him. I focused on that for my entire two-mile walk, rather than asking for things or even praising Him, as I often do when walking.

 

It seemed like nothing was coming, so I realized that it takes longer than one two-mile walk to learn to discern God’s voice from among others. One thing I’m pretty sure I do is that when I want or need something, I interpret things I see as being from God, especially if they are in support of my request. Such as, if I’m thinking about publishing something, when I proofread a book and see “God can use your struggles to help other people,” I tend to take that to mean God’s saying go ahead, when He might not be saying that at all. So I need to learn how to discern and identify His messages to me from others, including those I hope will back up what I want.

 

During my walk, I kept noticing squirrel or hawk nests high up in the leaf-bare trees surrounding the field I walk around. Don’t start reading something from God into them, I told myself firmly. Still, I couldn’t help noticing them, lots of them – some trees had three or four way up high. Since my mind works the way it does, I started thinking about my own nest and how God has done amazingly above what I could ever ask or think as to my three wonderful, delightful, excellent children—all of whom truly love God and desire to walk with and serve Him wholeheartedly. With that, what more could a parent ask? Well, I do ask for other things for them too but that’s the main thing in life—this life and for all eternity, so I am hugely blessed.

I could obviously make the connection that God has kept my nest of three protected, high above the fray swirling around them as He kept them from harm and evil. But I told myself not to read into things, as I often do. I knew I need to wait for God to reveal Himself to me, and I can’t just expect that when I ask for that, it happens right away. Still, He has done that for me and my nest!

 

So a few days later on my way into the office I was listening to the dramatized KJV New Testament on CD and Jesus said in the beautiful, rich, majestic voice they use for His, “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive” (Matthew 21:22, emphasis added).

 

With more belief than I usually have when I ask for things—  since I don’t believe I can think that God will necessarily do what I ask for or want because He knows better than I do and His timing is perfect—I asked for some specific help on two issues my children were facing. I asked these things in Jesus’ name, believing, as the verse said. Believing more than I usually do, to be honest.

 

I don’t close my eyes and bow my head to pray while driving of course, but I was at a stoplight as I was praying for these two specific things, BELIEVING. I looked at the car in front of me as the light turned green and in the tree right over the car was one of the squirrel nests! I cried, knowing that He really does graciously show us Himself when we seek Him (you shall seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart).

 

Thank You, God, for being so amazing and wanting a relationship with us. Please do teach me to discern Your voice among my thoughts and desires and other competing messages. And I ask, BELIEVING, that you will continue to protect my nest.

 

 

hacker

You can call me either gullible or stupid (I prefer the former), but here’s an amazing thing that happened to me recently.

 

I got the blue screen of death on my home computer twice after having Microsoft help me with a problem I was having getting email.

 

After getting the blue screen the second time, I called Microsoft for some more help, mentioning that this had all started after my service call for the email problem, which had been fixed via Microsoft’s free help service.

 

The tech person I talked to asked me a couple of questions and said that my issue could not be fixed through the free service (surprise!) and I would need to pay either $99 for a one-time fix or $149 for a year’s worth of repairs.

 

Goodbye, blue screen of death

Despite the advice of my grown children, who said I should not pay for this (but I had had two blue screens, after all), I gave my credit card number and purchased the $99 fix. All well and good. The technicians ran scans for literally three hours, at the end of which they pronounced it fixed. It turned out I had had a Trojan malware worm-type thing, despite my McAfee subscription. So Vijesh, the Level 2 technician who had pronounced my computer cured, said he would call me the next evening at 7:00 p.m. Central time to be sure I hadn’t gotten the blue screen again.

 

The next night I was talking to a friend and colleague and I told her I had to hang up at 7:00 because Microsoft was going to call me. While we were talking, I got a call at 6:40, which I ignored because I knew that Vijesh would call at 7, so I could talk with her until then.

 

Vijesh called me back at 7:20 and instead of checking my computer, he said he would call me again the next night at 7 to be sure everything was okay. Not sure why the delay, but I said okay.

 

So the next night, I got a call at 5:40 p.m. and caller ID just said “out of area.” Since the Microsoft call had come in the night before at a different time from the one I expected, I picked it up, being thankful I was at home since I usually get home from work much later than this.

 

Under attack!

I could barely make out what the person was saying due to language differences, and I admit that I am slightly hard of hearing. But he said something like, “Your computer is being attacked. Microsoft has had alerts letting us know that this is happening and we need to get into your computer to block this from damaging your computer.”

 

Being dumb but not that dumb, I asked why the calling phone number said “out of area” and was told that Microsoft uses different numbers to call customers back, especially at peak hours. I asked to speak to a supervisor. The “supervisor” came on the line and I asked for the incident number and (stupidly, I admit it) said, “Last night I talked to Vijesh and he was going to call me back tonight.”

 

The fake supervisor said, “Oh, I’ll connect you with Vijesh now.” Good.

 

A Vijesh impersonator came on the line and said, “This is Vijesh. How are you this evening, Barbara?”

 

Relieved, I asked him what the problem was. Surely you can see how confusing this was since he was to call me last night and when he finally reached me he had only said he would call me back the next night. The situation was starting to seem like a cross between a Grimm’s fairy tale and the Twilight Zone where reality got very fuzzy indeed.

 

The evil impersonator

I swear his voice sounded like that of the real Vijesh from the night before. He said, “There’s been an attack on your computer and I need to get remote access so I can stop the attack for you and fix your computer.”

 

I said, “Why did your phone number come up as ‘out of area’?” and he said that’s what it does when they call customers back. I asked for his phone number and the incident number and he said he needed to stop the attack right now and would give me that information in just a minute.

 

Dumbly (yes, stupidly), I followed his instructions and gave him access to my computer, all the while insisting that he give me the incident number and the Microsoft phone number. As soon as the access connection was established and I was still asking for the information, he said he’d call me back in 15 minutes. I again reiterated my request for information and he hung up.

 

Finally, I got it. I immediately turned off my computer and asked for help from my son (kindly refer to Ask a Kid!) and he helped me unplug the computer and all its accoutrements.

 

I then put in a call to Microsoft, waited for quite a while, and while I was waiting the real Vijesh called me with his phone number showing up on caller ID as Microsoft. I picked up via call waiting and told him what had happened.

 

He didn’t smirk at my naivete, at least not in a way I could detect it, and he checked my computer and said to check my bank account and credit cards for the next several days. He said it looked like I had turned the machine off in time to prevent untold damage, for which I am thankful.
I asked if this scam had anything to do with my two recent Microsoft service calls and he said no, these things just happen randomly.

 

Not sure I agree with him, but I hope to do better next time in listening to warning signals and getting out fast.

 

Maybe you should too.

Assistance (with clipping path)

I have a lovely young friend at work who could chronologically be my daughter for sure. But we have just clicked. We have much in common, and we have differences too, which is fine. She is utterly brilliant – everyone wants her on their project because she creates amazing, beautiful, contemporary designs and artwork that bring any project to life – whether it’s a corporate strategy or a new training course. People want to fast-track her into the corporate hierarchy, but she just wants to do what she’s good at and loves and she declines these offers.

 

So that’s her professional self and I am privileged to get her on some of my projects, which always makes me breathe a sigh of relief because I know that our marketing efforts are going to be outstanding with her involved.

 

But listen to what she did recently! She read my blog post about my friend Linda and she contacted me and said Linda sounds like such a wonderful person whom she would like to reach out to with a random act of kindness. I gave her Linda’s name and address and, sure enough, she sent Linda a book, an encouraging note, and a check for $25. And she doesn’t know Linda from Adam! She just did this because she was touched as she read about a woman with a big heart and small to nonexistent resources.

 

Soon Linda called me to say she had received this anonymous gift and asked if I knew the person. Of course I said I did and Linda described the lovely soft and comfortable nightgown (she has chronic pain that makes most clothing painful) she had been able to purchase with the gift and how thrilled she was that someone would reach out to her like this.

 

So next time you get discouraged about the condition of the world, think of people like this who, just out of the goodness of their hearts, do something wonderful for someone else – someone she doesn’t even know and may never meet or even talk to. And have hope . . . because while I get discouraged at times about the future and some of the people I observe, I know that amazing people exist at every age. And they are actively doing surprising things that demonstrate goodness every day.

ask-a-kid

I drive a 10-year-old Honda that I love – would never have anything other than a Honda in the future. But months ago I started having an electrical problem in the car where the radio suddenly sounded staticky (a new word?) and turned off whenever it felt like it. It came back on sporadically – or not.

 

First the radio/CD player

No big deal, right? I use my radio/CD player mostly for audio books, but the same thing started happening when I had CDs in there. When I had the car in for an oil change, I mentioned the problem and was told I’d need to leave it for several days for them to observe what happened. But what’s to observe? The radio/CD player goes on/off at will and unpredictably. So I didn’t leave it for several days.

 

My adult daughter suggested that I turn down the volume so as not to bother the neighbors because the sound came on often at all hours of the day or night. I guess I have the volume turned up. I agreed and made this adjustment.

 

Then I went to Nashville – love, love Nashville and my relatives who live there – and left my car sitting in my driveway for four days while I was gone. Apparently, the radio/CD player had gone off and on so much during that time that it killed the battery. I had to get a charge when I got home because the car was dead – wouldn’t start at all.

 

Then the power windows

A few weeks later on my way to work, I noticed that the windows didn’t go down at all except, inexplicably, the driver’s window. Oh, no, another electrical problem. I decided I would indeed need to leave the car at the Honda dealer for them to observe the problem because this was becoming intolerable and even unsafe (see previous post about the danger of safety. I’m not a big fan of taking drastic and onerous action to provide “safety”).

 

A few days later, I was driving my daughter to the train station and she tried to open the passenger side window, which didn’t work. She asked me, “What’s up with the window?” I said, “I have to take the car in and leave it for several days for them to diagnose the electrical problem that’s now making the windows not work, in addition to the radio and CD player not working. I looked it up online and found that it’s all related – radio, windows, other electrical problems.”

 

She said, “Did you check the child safety lock for the windows?” “Where is that?” I asked, after driving this car for eight years and being the mother of three children who don’t need safety locks anymore. “Right there where the windows go down,” she explained to me, slowly realizing, as my son had when he encouraged me not to use my cell phone like just a “stick,” that it’s easy for me and I daresay others to miss the way technology works.

Bottom line: If something doesn’t work, before you call the repairman or make an appointment for your car, ask a kid. He or she will undoubtedly be able to solve it for you in less than three seconds and without any money being exchanged.

Safety pic
Sometimes when I drive to work on the expressway, I see people repairing potholes. I count the number of vehicles involved in this process and – I kid you not – there are eight vehicles blocking traffic so that two people can fill a pothole with a diameter of approximately twelve inches. You got it right: one foot in diameter and it takes eight vehicles that block two lanes of traffic so that two people can pour material in and fill the hole.

 

One time, after I was late for work because of this situation, I called the road repair folks, having gotten the number from the side of one of the trucks at the scene, to suggest that this might be done with fewer vehicles and at a time other than rush hour.

 

I was told that the eight vehicles are there to make sure the two individuals doing the actual work are safe – safe from speeding cars going by, although no one is speeding or doing anything but crawling when two lanes of traffic are blocked off. Safety?

 

At the train station in my town, two workers were weeding along the side of the parking lot recently and they had eight parking spots blocked off so the two could weed. Would they not be safe if cars were parked in the spaces? The amazing thing is that the next day, after presumably a full eight-hour shift of weeding for two people, only a twenty-foot edge of the parking lot was complete and they moved on to the next eight cars to block off. I’m a gardener and it doesn’t take me eight hours by myself to weed a patch of my yard that’s twenty by eight.

 

Switching topics but still on point, at the end of my mother’s life, she lived in a nursing home. She’d had a nice condo in a senior living facility but once she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, they whisked her into the nursing home portion of the place “for her safety.” Neither she, nor her husband, nor her adult children had any say in the matter because of the fine print in the documents they had signed when entering the facility. Into the nursing home she went and that was that.

 

She had not driven for several years and she never set the kitchen cabinets on fire cooking or anything like that. She wasn’t a wanderer, so that wasn’t a problem either. But for her “safety,” all of her freedom was summarily taken from her. My poor mother had no freedom whatsoever when she lived in the nursing home. She was fed, had her hair done, was helped with bathing and sat in a chair listening to a neighbor’s blaring TV even though she deplored TV – because she wouldn’t be “safe” in her condo.

 

I’m not saying that Alzheimer’s isn’t a very serious condition that requires help. I only mention my mother’s situation because at the time I thought, I bet she’d rather be able to sit in her own living room and decide what and when to eat and wash her own laundry than having someone do everything for her because she was supposedly incapable.

 

What would have been so unsafe if she had been able to dig in her small garden or take a walk around the block? In fact, another man I knew who had Parkinson’s was planting his tomato plants in his yard when he keeled over and he died a couple of days later. Now that’s the way to go!

 

If someone had been keeping him “safe,” he might have been sitting in a wheelchair so he didn’t fall over. But he was allowed to live fully until the last minute. Freedom – and the ability to be responsible for our own selves, actions and consequences – is one of the greatest blessings we have. And I treasure it, understanding the risks that attend it.

 

I’ll take the consequences for my freedom over “safety” any day.

 

On the bright side, now that technology seems to be giving us driver-less cars, older or infirm people won’t have to be restricted to walking or getting rides anymore. All they need is one of those new cars to get around in – safely.

Navigating Home

I purchased a GPS after getting lost on a business trip in Texas (I live in Illinois) during which I spent three hours getting from the airport to my hotel, a distance of 1.2 miles. My adult children in Illinois helped me by using their GPS systems on their phones and patiently walking me back from my panic.

 

A couple of the highlights of the experience were seeing a highway sign with the symbol that the green toucan uses on Angry Birds to go forward and then circle back. I had never seen a sign like this outside the game and described it to my daughter, who laughed as she tried to help me.

 

Another doozy was when I stopped at a gas station to ask for directions and–I’m not making this up or exaggerating–the brick-enclosed building had no door! No door at all. As I gesticulated desperately outside the window, the clerk felt sorry for me and after unlocking what appeared to be several padlocks, stepped outside her fortress and pointed me in the direction she thought I was going. This was fairly early on, after only an hour or so of being lost.

So I came home and invested in a GPS and it was worth every penny.

 

But here’s my favorite thing about the GPS. When the computer voice, that of a woman, tells me what to do, for which I thank her often, she uses no inflection or emotion at all when she says, “In 1.2 miles, turn left on Route 20.” Flat, emotionless voice. Even if I make a wrong turn and she has to recalculate to figure out where I am now, her voice shows no judgment or anger or even impatience. She just calmly says, “Go 4.6 miles and turn right on Anderson Boulevard.” Some of her pronunciations are kind of funny, but after all, she’s a computer, so I give her quite a bit of slack.

 

But when I have finished my business or dropped someone off at the airport and am ready to turn around and go home, all I have to say to her is “Go home.” And her response is absolutely heartwarming.

 

“Navigating home,” she says. But it’s not the personality-less tone she uses for every other instruction. “Navigating home” is delivered in a way that makes me feel like saying, “Ahhhhh, I’m going home now.” Her voice drops down when she says “home” so that it really sounds like she knows I’m glad to be going there.

 

Today when I dropped two people off at the airport and told my GPS girl, “Go home,” and she gave her usual comforting response, it suddenly dawned on me that that’s what I, along with every other Christian, am doing here on earth–we’re navigating home. We’re traveling this world on our way to our real home–heaven.

 

And that thought–from my wonderful and beloved God, I believe–was even more comforting and exciting than the prospect of returning to my snug and cozy little house that God gave me fourteen years ago.

 

I’m on my way Home–to be with our Savior and our loved ones who have gone ahead of us, and they include my dear mother, my sister and my brother, whom I miss. I’m not in any hurry to get there, though, and I have, as Robert Frost said, “Miles to go before I sleep.” Miles and more fun times with my three darling children and maybe even grandchildren one day. And work that God still has for me to do.

 

God, help me to honor you with the rest of my journey here, however long or short. And thank you that I know where I’m going as I’m “Navigating home.”

least of these

Welcome to my blog. I have been writing many things for quite a long time and know that blogging is the “in” thing now. So I’m going to blog.

 

What I’d like to talk about is . . . well, lots of things. I’m a mother, a writer, a sister, a neighbor, a woman, a friend, and life is full of interesting happenings and fascinating people, isn’t it?

 

One of the most interesting people I’ve ever met is my friend Linda. Right now, she lives in a retirement home in another state and has no money. Literally – her Social Security check goes for rent on the place and she has something like $80 a month to spend. The place even has bugs that they try to tell her are “lint” and some anonymous person harasses her by banging on her apartment door at 4:30 a.m. many mornings.

 

So I grieve for her situation. Let me tell you about her amazing life.

 

Linda earned her living cleaning houses. Until she reached the age for Medicare, she had no medical insurance. She had no paid sick days or holidays, no pension plan or IRA. Linda’s mother died in childbirth and, as soon as Linda was old enough to understand the words, her father told her that she had killed her mother by being a “bad baby.” Not surprisingly after a start in life like that, Linda has struggled with depression for many years.

 

I first knew Linda when she cleaned my house, back in the days of my material prosperity. We became friends, and she worked for me for ten years. Over the years, we talked and prayed together, sharing victories and heartbreaks. Both of us are mothers, and we prayed together for our children.

 

Financial reversals ended my luxury of Linda’s household help, and ended my years of owning the house as well. But our friendship remained strong, and we talked on the phone and visited each other occasionally. During one particularly discouraging week for me, Linda called me.

 

“You sound down, Barb.  Has something happened?”

 

“I didn’t get the job I applied for, and I’m getting panicky about finances,” I said.

 

“What a disappointment about the job.  Let’s meet for breakfast on Saturday.  My treat,” she said.

 

I was glad to see her Saturday morning, but I felt guilty that she had offered to pay for my breakfast.  If I had handled things better when I had money, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Linda has so little, and yet she wants to take me out to breakfast, I thought.

 

After we finished our meal, Linda pulled out an envelope with my name on it and handed it to me.

 

“I really want you to have this, Barb,” she said.

 

“Oh, Linda, I couldn’t take that from you.  I just couldn’t.”

 

Her smile faded instantly, and she looked away from me, obviously hurt.

 

“You helped me years ago, Barb, and now I want to help you a little bit.”

 

I knew immediately that the right thing to do was to put aside my pride and guilt and accept her gift.

 

“Thank you, Linda.  I appreciate your help.”

 

After Linda paid our bill, we hugged each other and parted. I was touched by her kindness. When I got home, I opened Linda’s envelope, expecting to find a $5 or $10 bill. Instead, she had given me $128 in cash.

 

Surprised and overwhelmed, I realized that she had given me a full two days’ pay from her housecleaning work. Just like the widow’s two mites, I thought (from Mark 12:42 NASB). She has given out of her poverty, not out of her surplus. She gave me what she had to live on.

 

Another lesson learned by example.
Check back to learn more about Linda and other amazing people I know.